timehasa_way: (<lj user="shangrilada">)
[personal profile] timehasa_way
Title: At a Crossroads
Fandom: RPS
Characters: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 082. If.
[livejournal.com profile] fanfic100 table: here
Word Count: 2,875
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Angst and porn.
Summary: Part of the Forty-Three Days 'verse. When Jensen finds out what's in store for Sam at the end of season 5, he can't help but think that the worst possible thing might happen to Jared, too. His attempt to fix the situation scares Jared more than anything ever has.


The last time Jensen had stolen from set, he was desperate to save himself. This time, it was different. This time...

Jensen pushed his hands through the gravel, dirt gathering beneath his fingernails and streaking his palms. He didn't dig far, just enough to bury the box. It held an old picture of him as Dean, the bone of a black cat, and graveyard dirt. They were all props. The bone was fake, and the dirt could have been from anywhere. Still, stranger things had happened.
With the box hidden beneath the dirt in the center of the crossroads, Jensen brushed the excess off of his hands and stood up. His legs shook, his breath puffing out in a white cloud in front of his face.

He stood for a long time, then longer, his stomach churning. He knew he should turn away, but he also needed to know for sure; needed to know what options he had.

He waited and waited, and once his fingers were numb and his shivers uncontrollable, he let out a deep sigh and made his way back to the car. The phone he’d left inside lit up as he started the vehicle, missed calls showing on the screen. They were all from Jared.

Jensen took a deep breath and drove back home.

****

Jared paced frantically back and forth, stopped and chewed at his fingernails, let the dogs out and let them back in again. He’d woken up to an empty bed, then realized that Jensen wasn’t even in the house. Panicked thoughts raced through his mind, and he wondered if he should go out and look for Jensen. But he didn’t know where to look, and he didn’t want to be gone if Jensen came back here. He wondered if he should call the cops. Then he heard the sound of the front door, and the dogs went running to greet their second master.

“Where the hell were you??” Jared called out, his voice shrill as he turned and made his own way to the door. He was relieved to see Jensen all in one piece, but this...this didn’t make any sense. “Why would you leave in the middle of the night?”

Jensen’s silence only scared Jared more, the lines of guilt on Jensen’s face. “I’m sorry, Jay,” he said quietly, holding a box out for Jared to take.

The box looked familiar, though Jared couldn’t quite place it at first. But when he opened it he knew. He knew all too well. He nearly dropped it, his throat closing up as thoughts flooded his brain again.

“It didn’t work,” Jensen said, and Jared could barely hear him over the roaring in his own ears. “And I...I wasn’t really gonna make a deal. I just had to know if it would work.”

Jared’s hands shook, his fingers tightening over the box. He loved Jensen more than anything, but sometimes…sometimes he wanted to take the box in his hands and smash it into Jensen’s face. “How could you do this?” he asked quietly, knuckles turning white as he stared down at them. The last time he’d been anywhere close to this angry with Jensen, Jensen had attempted to take his own life. This was so much worse.

“I know it’s bad,” Jensen admitted, and Jared closed his eyes, seething. “But I just had to know. Jared, if something happened to you, if-if it was anything like what happened to me, I couldn’t-”

“You couldn’t what, Jensen?” Jared smashed the box against the nearest wall instead, contents spilling out, dirt covering the floor. “Have you completely lost your fucking mind?! We talked about this!”

“I know.” Jensen held his hands up in an attempt to placate Jared. “I know, and I know we both agreed that you would be okay, but what if you weren’t?” Jensen’s lip quivered, and Jared scoffed, turning away and pushing his fingers through his hair. “Jay, please. I was just...I couldn’t stop thinking of the worst possible thing, and the thought of you...suffering…”

“And knowing that you sold your soul for me and would burn in Hell for eternity in my place would be so much better?” He turned back to Jensen, shaking his head, a hard lump in his throat. “This is insane. After everything, both what we’ve been through and what’s happened on the show, I can’t believe that you would even think to do this.”

Jensen shifted on his feet, guilt and shame forcing him to look away. “I’m sorry. It’s just, after everything you’ve done for me, and you just…” He looked up at Jared, tears in his eyes. “You’re the last person who deserves anything like that. You’re too…” Jensen paused, searching for the right words, and eventually just shrugged. “And I love you too much.”

Jared felt that one deep in his chest. But now wasn’t the time to be buttered up with love and emotion. “You left me in the middle of the night to go behind my back and attempt to summon a crossroads demon.This isn’t something we can fix right now, Jen. I’m…” He held his head in his hands for a moment, trying to calm himself. “I’m not even sure what to do about this right now.” He swallowed hard, almost finding it difficult to breathe. “Maybe you do love me too much. This isn’t right.”

Jensen looked stricken, panicked himself now, but he straightened and looked Jared in the eye. That look tore Jared apart. “Do you want me to go?”

Jared stopped, wanted the world to stop. This was too much, it was wrong, so wrong. He and Jensen had been through so much, had built so much, and this...this was reversing everything they’d worked towards. “I think I just need some space right now,” he found himself saying, his voice a tired rasp. “Don’t...Don’t take everything, just…”

There was a long pause, a strained silence between them, and Jared couldn’t even look at the man he’d come to love these past 5 years. Jensen eventually shuffled away, and Jared just stood. He didn’t know how long it took, but he was standing in the same spot when Jensen came back with a small bag packed.

“I really am sorry, Jared.” Jared lowered his head even more, hoping that his hair would hide the tears pooling in his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Jared whispered as the door closed behind Jensen. The dogs whined, and Jared managed to slump onto the couch, feeling like he was suffocating. He quieted the part of him that wanted to run after Jensen, tell him he was sorry, and beg him to stay. There was too much wrong, here. And how long would their past haunt them? How many times would Jensen surprise him with something so awful?

****

Jensen had waited outside for a cab to take him to the modest hotel room he was in now. He didn't feel as though he deserved luxury at the moment.

They had talked about it, just as soon as it had happened. One minute, Jensen was reading a script, and the next, his heart was pounding through his chest. Sam was going to Hell, and Jensen was frantic. Jared was also concerned, but decided that he wouldn't be in danger. "No sigil," he'd said, checking the same sites as before. "And I'm pretty sure everyone knows that they're not getting rid of one of us that easily now."

But Jensen had gone one step further. It had been Jensen's idea to end the finale with the camera panning down to show something, just the shoulder of someone looking through the window at Dean. The powers that be had actually made the decision to show Sam’s face. Jared hugged Jensen, kissed him, thanked him, and told him that it would be enough.

And yet, that still wasn't enough for Jensen. Not after what he'd been through. He couldn't let anything like that happen to Jared, not after everything they’d been through.

He knew it was stupid, but now Jared's words played over and over in his brain, telling him that it was "insane". Jensen hadn't realized how much that had hurt until now. Everyone had called him crazy when the Hellhounds were after him; everyone who didn't know any better. And now he was spending the night alone. He knew Jared had every right to be angry, but for the first time in a long time, Jensen found himself angry at Jared. It was almost enough for him to march back home that very moment. Instead, he just laid there in a foreign bed, quietly fuming.

****

Jared had barely slept when Jensen came home the next morning. He heard the door slam, the dogs running through the house and barking. His stomach churned, wondering how he was going to handle this. No fight between them had ever been this bad. He was just getting himself up out of bed when Jensen came storming into the bedroom, body tense and eyes on fire. It took Jared aback, made him falter, a complete 180 from the way Jensen had been the night before.

“You think I’m insane?” Jensen asked, seething, and Jared immediately felt bad for using the word. “You think you get to be so pissed at this that you can kick me out of our house? Fuck you, Jared! I deserve some shit for doing this behind your back, fine, but don’t give me this emo bullshit about how maybe we can’t be together because we love each other too much. Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t consider it if our positions were reversed.” Jensen advanced on him, and Jared took a step back, legs bumping up against the bed. “Don’t tell me that if those Hellhounds had killed me and possibly dragged me off to Hell, you wouldn’t have at least been curious to see if a summoning would work. Don’t tell me it wouldn’t eat at you, keep poking at the back of your mind.” Jensen’s hands gripped hard at Jared’s shoulders. “Don’t call me crazy.”

“Y-You’re not crazy,” Jared stammered, his voice shaky. He could see Jensen relax a little with that statement, relief showing behind the anger in his eyes. “I know you’re not crazy. I’m sorry.” Jensen’s hands moved to cup Jared’s face, their breaths mingling together. “You just really fucking scared me, okay? More than before.” Residual anger caused Jared’s shoulders to stiffen. “Don’t ever hide that shit from me again. We don’t have any secrets anymore, you know that.” Their eyes met, both of them heated and charged, and Jared spat his next words in a challenge. “You should know better.”

Jensen’s hands shoved hard at Jared’s chest, and Jared fell back on the bed, Jensen on top of him immediately, hands fisting in his hair, tongue pushing past his lips. Jared groaned and moved to kiss Jensen back, but Jensen was already moving, pulling on Jared’s hair, baring his throat and biting at it. Jared gasped and closed his eyes, already hard with Jensen rutting against him. He couldn’t keep up, Jensen licking, kissing, biting, and pulling at him, his boxers nearly torn from his body. Jensen’s thumb passed over his dick, and Jared’s chest heaved, looking up at Jensen still fully clothed.

Jensen pinned Jared down with his own weight, reaching beyond him for the bedside table and grabbing for the lube. It was messy, the bottle opened and squeezed, lube dripping out onto Jensen’s fingers, the bed, Jared’s body, and then tossed aside as Jensen shoved a thick finger deep inside Jared. Jared’s hips jolted and he moaned, hands gripping at whatever parts of Jensen he could find, fingers moving hard and fast to open Jared up. It was rough and dirty, more push-pull than stroking, Jared’s dick leaving a streak of pre-come on his belly.

The fingers pulled out suddenly, leaving Jared empty and clenching around nothing. Jensen fumbled frantically at his pants, lube-covered fingers leaving wet streaks on them. He grabbed for the bottle when he finally got them open and pulled his dick from his boxers, quickly stroking himself with the liquid, lewd wet sounds mixed with his own moans. He lowered himself over Jared, Jared’s pulse pounding loudly in his ears as he felt the thick head of Jensen’s dick slip in the wetness over his hole.

Jensen’s thrust inside pushed the breath from Jared’s body, hole stretching, clenching, wanting that jolt of pleasure up his spine. There was no time to adjust, Jensen thrusting immediately, hard, forceful, dragging out and slamming back in, already deeper, pace already frantic. Jared cried out and grabbed at Jensen’s back, nails digging into the sweat-soaked material of Jensen’s shirt. Jensen’s hands were twisting in the sheets by Jared’s head, face buried in Jared’s neck where he was panting heavily and then biting, sucking, moaning against Jared’s sensitive, wet skin.

Jared grunted with each push into his body, dick wet and jerking between them. He dragged his hands down Jensen’s shirt, found the waistband of Jensen’s loosened pants, his boxers, and pushed a hand down inside, reaching until two of his fingers could rub insistently over Jensen’s hole. Jensen groaned deep in his throat and pulled his lips away from Jared’s neck, arching. He twisted the fingers of his right hand in Jared’s hair and pulled back, staring down at him as his hips stuttered.

Fuck you,” Jensen growled, grinding in deep as Jared pressed harder.

Jared smirked, a dark chuckle emanating from deep in his throat. “Yeah. Fuck me.”

Jensen kissed him then, eyes closed and tongue stroking and curving around Jared’s. Jared pulled his hand free and held onto Jensen’s shoulders as he wrapped his legs around Jensen’s waist, breaking the kiss when Jensen’s thrust at an angle that made his whole body shudder. He could feel and hear the bed shaking, Jensen’s balls slapping against him, skin against skin, and he forced a hand between them as he tried to remember to breathe. He stroked himself in time with Jensen’s thrusts, then moved faster, faster, unable to stop himself.

“Oh, God...” Jared whimpered when Jensen reached for his hand and pulled it away. He was close, so close, dick throbbing and balls pulled up tight.

“Wait for me,” Jensen panted and pleaded with him. “Wait…fuck...”

A few more thrusts and Jensen was losing his rhythm, breathing going ragged. Jared tensed, trying to hold on, and moaned loudly when Jensen took him in his own hand. Jensen’s voice broke on halted breaths until he shoved in deep, trembling and coming inside Jared, warm and thick. Jared cried out, eyes closing as his back arched and he came over Jensen’s fingers, jolting with each spurt until it was over.

Jensen collapsed on top of Jared, his clothes and Jared’s skin a slick, sweaty, sticky mess. They stayed like that for a few moments until Jensen slowly turned his head from the crook of Jared’s shoulder, soft, gentle kisses caressing his cooling skin. Jensen was beginning to soften inside him, and Jared sucked in a breath when Jensen finally pulled out, warmth trickling out after.

“That was...uh…” Jared licked his lips, trying to think of words, and felt Jensen smile against his him.

“Yeah. Yeah, it was.” Jensen laughed a little, then lifted his head, tired eyes meeting Jared’s. “Forgive me?”

“Hell yeah!” Jared said, laughing, and Jensen rolled his eyes and twisted Jared’s nipple. “Ow, ow, okay! Okay, I’ll be serious! I forgive you. And I’m sorry for kicking you out.” He sighed, feeling ashamed. “You’re right. About all of it. After what happened…these things aren’t impossible. We know that. And I would’ve tried it, too. Which also scares me a little.”

“I know what you mean,” Jensen said quietly, resting his head on Jared’s chest. “We of all people should know that you shouldn’t mess with that stuff. And the fact that we’re willing to…” He shrugged. “I feel...I feel lucky to have someone who loves me that much, but I would never want you to do it. I know why you were so mad, and I get it.” He lifted his head again and looked down at Jared. “I know it didn’t work anyway, but can we promise to never try something like that again? And do a better job of keeping that promise than Sam and Dean?”

Jared smirked and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I can handle it.” He leaned up and kissed Jensen. “I told you, we’re safe now anyway. I don’t think we’ll ever be in a situation like you were again. We’ll live normal lives, do normal things, have normal lifespans, and...you know…” He didn’t like to think of either of them dying, but in reality, it was only inevitable.

Jensen kissed his forehead. “Whoever goes first, save a spot?”

Jared smiled. “Yeah. That sounds about right.”

Date: 2013-11-03 11:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cappy712.livejournal.com
Damn, save a spot.... wow, that's just wow! Thank you for sharing.

Date: 2013-11-04 02:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] timehasa-way.livejournal.com
Thank you, bb! ♥

Date: 2013-11-03 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dugindeep.livejournal.com
It was fun to revisit these two! I always enjoyed the parallels of this verse to show, and it's interesting to ponder Season 5. Great job!

Date: 2013-11-04 02:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] timehasa-way.livejournal.com
Thank you so much, bb!! ♥ It's usually easy for me to get back into these two, so when I'm trying to revive myself, this verse helps! I've missed this, and I've missed so much fic! My next step is to get back to reading!

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